Day 10 - Love is unconditional

Day 10 - Love is unconditional

“Love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.”’

There are 3 different types of love: Agape- unconditional, Phileo- friendship, and Eros- sexual. Thinking about the kind of love I display, sometimes sounds more like phileo, and eros love. An “I love you because…” scenario. When in reality an “I love you, period” scenario is the goal.

Your love can not be based on “things” but on choosing to love regardless of “things.” The goal is to love, not put restrictions on love. Not to withhold because you don’t feel love. Love isn’t a feeling, love is being. When you can put the selfishness down, and truly love your spouse, you would do anything for them, regardless of what they do for you.

My goal is to not let my head get caught up in the process of “well he hasn’t done such and such I don’t want to do this for him.” But to instead, do things for him, without thinking about my selfishness. Showing my love for him regardless of how I feel. 

Day 9 – Love makes good impressions

Day 9 – Love makes good impressions

Have to seriously think about this one. When I get home I walk in set all my stuff down, say hey you two as I make a mad dash for the bedroom to change into shorts and a top. Often times I don’t stop for a quick peck, or anything. I tell them let me just get changed real quick, and then I come back out and hug and kiss on them. Maybe I need to change and get home and great my husband with a big ole kiss firsthand, then go change, then tells the little one hi. Ok so I figured out that, but what about every other time I come home? Hmmm it’s pretty much hey, and on to doing whatever. So I need to change that, every time I see my husband, after having been away,  or even have left the room, I should greet him with warmth, wanting and lovingness. I bet just doing that alone would build up his self-worth a bunch. Which in this role reversal of ours is a Big Big deal. Bigger than even I think about sometimes.

As I sit here and think, I’m reminded that I get grumpy when my husband doesn’t greet me when I get home. How selfish of me to expect him to be waiting with bated breath to see me! I need to think about him, do it first, don’t expect him to do it for me. Let me be the blessing, and not the selfish one.

Day 8 – Love is not jealous

Day 8 – Love is not jealous

Ok well, I know we are both jealous of the others role, I would rather be at home, he would rather be working. So this is something we need to get over. I need to be satisfied with what I do, and not be envious of him and what he does. I need to be his cheering squad and his helper. I need to concentrate on what i have and not what I don't have.

Day 7 – Love deserves the best

Day 7 – Love deserves the best

The appreciation room and the depreciation room. Yowzas! Which room do you visit most? I know I try to visit the appreciation room, but fail and stop in at the depreciation room instead. And then I sit down a while and stay there. Not good at all. I need to choose to walk past the depreciation room and head into the appreciation room and hunker down there for good. I bet I would see more results if I were appreciating him and what he does, instead of depreciating him. So I’m going to work on that. Appreciate don’t depreciate

Day 6- Love is not Irritable

Day 6- Love is not Irritable

Irritable!?! Who ME! Yes me. Sadly I have been very irritable especially with my husband. Go figure. So what’s behind irritability you ask? Stress and the deeper underlying cause is selfishness. I love this quote “Some people are like lemons, when life squeezes them; they pour out a sour response. Some people are more like peaches: when the pressure is on, the result is still sweet.”  Also we learned that selfishness bears many masks: lust, bitterness, greed, and pride. Well I can honestly say, I have bitterness for sure. Maybe a touch of greed and pride, but the bulk of it is bitterness. How do I take care of this? That’s my real issue.  Margin, I need more margin in my life, but I feel if I add more margins, I’ll take away from family time. I can’t cut back on work, as I support our family. So how can I margin more time? What can I do? When did I recently over react, well that was Sunday. We were going to the movie store, and I was driving, and wanted to take a daring turn to avoid a light and he told me no, to go around. And I stated very loudly, FINE, FINE, FINE. Then I whipped the car into the turn lane at the light. Then I realized I had done it and counted to 5 took some deep breaths and apologized. My motivator behind it, I don’t like being told what to do. Most of my irritability comes from him telling me what to do, and I don’t like it and I am bitter over it. I don’t take being told straight away what to do. I want it done nicer, so it seems like a really good option and not just a do it.. I don’t know does this make sense? Is it wrong of me? Yes, I don’t need to blow up over something as trivial as that, its selfish. I need to get over my idea of how things should be done. I really need to work with my husband and not against him…

Day 5 – Love is Not Rude

Day 5 – Love is Not Rude

 Oh boy! “She purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort.”

“..dare to love…give your best to your own” Yeah so that phone voice I have  needs to be given to more than the strangers and the people I work with. I need to use that with my hunny! And guess what two things are behind Rudeness? Ignorance or (yep you guessed it) Selfishness. I’m guessing most roads lead to selfishness…

Questions:

1.      How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around him?

Well if there is anything I know, it’s that I don’t speak Enough around my husband. Also I tend to be bossy, a lot.

2.      How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self esteem?

Well he feels like he is less of a man, and not the leader. Evidence enough that I need to change how I speak to him.

3. Would your mate say you are a blessing or that you are condescending and embarrassing?

                        I know he would say both. There are lots of areas I need work in, and a few I’m good at.

And they give us 3 principles to live by:

1.      Guard the Golden Rule- treat your mate the same way you want to be treated

2.      No Double Standards- be as considerate to your spouse as you are to your friends, co-workers, and strangers

3.      Honor requests- consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not to do. If in doubt then ask.

What great principles to implement!

Day 4- Love is Thoughtful

Day 4- Love is Thoughtful

Well this is something we already do. Several times a day we call each other to check in and see what’s going on. So I think I have a handle on this one. The area I think I need help in is being thoughtful in other areas, likes, dislikes, wants, needs and all that sort of thing.

            So today was pretty easy to do the challenge. Just need to work on thinking about the other things.